went back nanyang twice during thier orientation. once was thier movie night which showed x men 2. the other was the disco night. and on both occasions.. i feel that i really like my old class even with the new people. in fact. the new people add more style and flavour and fun to the class. but with me gone.. of course not as fun la. haha. guess what. of the 12 new classmates ( 12 old 12 new? ) i know like. most of them? rudi from my og is now in my class.. lester.. the monfort bballer who crashed almost everyday for first three months.. zixuan aloy.. buddies from chungcheng.. derrick.. victoria guy i know through robotics.. the old people who are still in the class. and of cos many other new people whom i started to get closer with.. say teck ming? i don't know how to spell or pronounce his name but to me it seriously doesnt matter. somehow. i feel that i know him from long ago. like a long lost friend. and like. just one or two sentences makes me so aqquainted to him alr. i know that sounds gay. but its rare to find people whom you can suddenly click so well with. the thing is. you've nv met nor spoke to him before. but when u realise you all have just one common similarity.. you'll just hit off well already. thats cool. esp since just now we had lunch together after dragonboat.. i find it a waste not to be his good friend or to be his classmate. cant to much to regret though. im a tjcian now.

each time i crash ny. im left with soo much thoughts.. nostalgia.. and like.. thoes sad sad sorrowful feelings. thoes you get when you graduate from your previous institution. like you miss primary sch when you go sec sch. and you miss sec sch when you're in jc. you miss the place. cos its ur comfort zone. cos it's where you grew up. it's whr u sweat.. cried.. had fun at.. made friends at and you'd experience all the other possible emotions there. tt forms a strong bond.. like a sense of belonging to the area. like you own the place. its your own territory. now that your sense of ownership is removed from you.. you still yearn for it.. you still have the habit of thinking you have it.. you take the whole place for granted. despite all these whiny whiny gay feelings.. you feel excited because you have progressed one step further. you are stepping onto new unfamiliar grounds. the mystery just sends a sense of thrill. its brings like.. anticipation.. mystery... new traditions.. new experiences.. tt's exactly how i feel now abt stepping out from nanyang to tj. the yearn for the NY ownership is there. esp since now there are new people. and its a difference scenario now with academics playing a more impt role and studying kicks in. studying systems change.. and you wish you can stay to exprience the proper studying system. tt's how i feel. yet , like what i've said.. you want to try out tj's sch culture too. the studying system.. making friends and all.. i get i'll just have to move on with life. i chose to tj. i sticked to it. i dint appeal back to ny. and of cos. i gotta live with tj. not that i hate tj. or anything. but its just that i miss ny. just like how people might miss thier sec sch now.

this results in me wanting to crash ny often.. keepin in touch with ny friends to find out abt the happenings in ny. i even would want to train with nanyang draonboat every week. i dont know if i cant take it. whther i haf the time. whether it will affect my studies. but.. its a "want". i want to. i want to train with them and be part of ny dragonboat. i like the toughness.. the physically challenging trials and training. the feeling you get when you're rowing.. when you're scolded.. when you push yourself. when you tell yourself you have to prove your worth.. when you know if you slack or stop. you affect people around you. and that people behind you are lookin at your every movement to keep with the coordination. i know im not alone. since there are others who crash ny dragonboat even more regularly than me. there are thoes who are no more in ny but still crash ny like they still are in ny. crash thier cca.. crash oreintation or whatever. they might even represent ny to join comps.

i'll do it too whenever possible. if like there's any sch event. i'll prob try and make it. to get the ny spirit again. catch up with ny.. and to meet up with friends. seriously. if only i can get to know all the new classmates. and pretend that im part of the class. i know its not possible. but i dream of like. going to every class outing possible... having lunch like every week or going out to study together. that'll be great. not to mention i can go dragonboat with them. well. i guess. i'll leave it at that. im not complaining. im not. i cant. and i wont. im just commenting. not lammenting. pick up the mess ( mess is a wrong word. there's no mess but im just following the phrase) and move on.

now in tj. i would say im still adapting? trying to adapt..adapting.. or adapted . i dont know. i just want to be hapy in tj. like i am everywhere else. and quite importantly. i want to be myself. like my usual. i dont want to have to pretend or act something else i know im not to suit to the enviroment. that sucks. its not natural. iits very fake and artificial. tj is still new to me. i dont know where the toilets are. what the tradition or culture is. the oreintation just provided fun. a brief scrape through on the sch spirit and stuffs like that but not in detail. i guess such things have to be explored individually. i seriously dont know what cca to join. stop askin or telling me to join dragonboat. im made to like dranboat because of ny. because i join ny dragonboat. i may not like it itself if im else where. furthermore. tj has no dragonboat. even if it has. i might not join it. people are telling me to join badminton. im thinking abt it. i just fear the streneous training. long training hours that ends at like 7 plus. and when i reach home. its 8 plus almost 9. how to study or even slack? one thing abt tj. i really take an hour to reach home. tt sucks. i reallly rather ny travelling hours which is half an hour exactly.

i cant comment on tj notes since i havent been reading them. i know the pace is faster. and they epect you to know everything. i realise that tj expects you to have first three months. for you to have prior knowledge from sec sch. for you to study on your own. for you to be smart. its not the case in ny. since ny is ranked lower. and takes high l1r5 intakes. they cant have such expectations. i guess for ny. the make up leactures are probably at a slower pace. like reeally teaching everything. cos they expect some students to not have first three months. but in tj. they expect the students to have first three months and expect them to have learnt to topic with the first three months. so they just skim through. like refresh memory. not teach. more of like revise. thats GENERALLY the case. and by logic. it just make sense. i can just imagine in RJ. or HCI or even VJ. maybe like just throw you notes. and like. take half our make up lecture session. say we use 1 hr for one topic. they use 1/2 hour. haha. thats reality.

i have to study. i have to do my notes. i have to chiong and finish the previous tutorials the first three months people have done. i have to study more since i slacked my first three months away. i have to catch up. i have to bond with the classmates. i have to think of a new cca to join. i have to adapt to tj. so many things. at such a fast pace. i know i can do it. and i will do it. i will seek help if i need it. now we are given the projectwork questiion paper. it is a proper examination paper from A LEVELS. its the proper question paper. its an exam. and its started. i dont know what im doing here. i should be preparing for it. like i did for o levels. pls dont let me slack. dont let me drop in my standards. cos im alr slow. i need to learn and learn fast. pick up the pace the tempo and endure to the end. its really like dragonboat.

today one is freakin cool. i was on j2 boat. pace damn fast. damn triing. damn torturing. damn shiok. pain like shit. suffer like shit. get scolded like shit. and the feelin sucks. every thing sucks. but i like it. i just lurve it when you come out from the boat. and you feel the bulging arms.but stil.. i feel pain and numbness. and the heat. burning sensation on the skin. tired and all. thats really dragonboat training. for starters. waarm up. i did 100 push up. 100 crunches. 100 torsle raise. the 100 pumping made me wake up. im no longer my usual fitness. im no longer as strong as i tot i am. im no longer as strong as i was. i thought it would be no kick. it was no kick to me in the past. no nore more. not anymore. i must train up. i must get it back. im damn disappointed. after doing 2-3 sets. i go down. cannot come up. like fuck. wheres my strength. i really have to stuff myself more. eat more. get the body mass then train. im damn sad abt this. damn disappointed. you dont know what i expect from myself. i don think you understand what im talking about here. i just need motivation.

feels empty la. knowing not many real close friends in tj. i know it will change. but now no. i know i got friends. close or not im not sure. but in time to come. there will be. i will have i will make it happen. i just need more time. and chances to open up. i want to be me in this new area.

i hope dad's doing well in china. everythings going smoothly for him. he will succeed. just like i will. god bless him and me.

been long since i last blogged ehh. miss me dont you. my blogger viewer rates are probably declining drastically. not that i really care. since i dont really want alot of ppl knowing what's going on in my life. heh. irony aint it. haha.

what with now the first three months over.. the proper jc terms officially starts. actually that is still not true since some jc's would do orientation. from friends. vj's oreintation is like 2 days only. and the 2nd day is only for class bonding. and feedback is the whole thing sucks. esp with the second intakers being ostracised and stuffs. well. i feel that's the thing about oreintation2 in general. people who staying behind have already formed cliques and formed groups of thier own. who would really want to care about newcomers. with that.. it would be rather difficult to try and make friends. cos u either fit into the group. or you're out.

my case
well the hoohaa and controversy ( lol sounds big deal eh) about me staying behind in nanyang or transferring to tj is over. since the appealing dates to nanyang is over already. so i have to stay in tj already. not that im complaining. but. i DO feel attached to nanyang and stuffs. NY for being so near my house. 30 mins. NY for the freaking coool cca DRAGONBOAT. NY for the many ccchs ppl i know. Ny for the friends i've already made in first three months. but tj? what has tj got to offer me meh.. ya ya. holistic studying and stuffs like that... being a better jc it PROBABLY offers a brighter jc for me. that can be very subjective but im a pressure kind of guy. no pressure. i dont work. only under pushing and competition will i really shine through. i guess im very competitve. ya. very. so it a way it does benefit me to study in a better schoool. but tj is far. 1hr journey where i have to change 3 buses. the ppl i know in tj aint as many as the people i know in ny... PLUS the cca in tj is rather limited. or rather. i dont know what to join. and i will definetly miss dragonboating. so what to join in tj? badminton? robotics? zz.

tj orientation
it was fun overall. at first it was really boring. esp the first day. you can just cry on the spot. oh no. its me. i can just cry on the spot. no fun. no friends. no guailan session and not much chance for me to open up and be sociable. mainly because.... in the OG.. everyone else knows everyone else. im like. the odd one out. so like. who wants to care about me. plus. i dont really want to form a bad impression on them. so well. first day i was a NOBODY. (as how weijie said of me in ny's first day) usually... as days passs.. i will become my usual irritating self and start playing around. but to be honest. i dont think i've opened up much. not as i did in nanyang. i would say.. in nanyang at least i was more well received and more amiable with. in tj.. i would just wait for people to talk. haha. who knows. its been just 5 days of orientation. BUT again.. the last day was cool.. simply cos john was around. tt's what i realised. i need someone i know to be around. for me to be myself. if people around me are strangers or people im still not close with.. i will just SHUT UP. inside and outside. but if these people start to bond and i become closer to them.. i think i would make a better companion. is that natural? i hope it is. cos i dont really like to be loud and so OPENED up when you dont know the people around you. its like.. so thick-skinned and disgraceful.. haah. the o night was fun i would say. what with bands coming to play and perform rock music.. its was almost like disco.. it was akin to ny's disco night. except the audience in NY was more lively and there aint a live band performing. tj's audience were like.. soooo dead.. so sian. i used a super strong torchlight emitting red light and flicker everywhere. lol. disco lights. after that when people saw me holdoing a torchlight they went " oh so it was u doing the light" haha. one thing tho. tj is damn particular about thier CLAN aka house. they want thier clan to win so much... they care more about gaining points than having fun. that shoudn't be the case. but seriously i wonder why they like to compete so much amongst clan. does that really foster school spirit? i dont really expereince that in nanyang. anyways. MY CLAN WON. and ALOT of people like my clan leader. as in her style and her charisma and her power.. shes some malay girl from TKGs i think. one thing i feel about tj is.. this oreintation is like. 100% j1's organise. i dont really like that. having j1 emcees.. j1 leaders here there everywhere. must listen to them.. obey them.. follow them. i think mainly cos im a leader inside? or rather i want to be a leader. tt y when i see people of the same age commanding me or holding the microphone to lecture us about keeping quiet or behiving ourselves. im just so turned off.

like who the hell are you to lecture me. you nothing just a *god-knows-who- appointed leader. you dont stand for nothing. nobody knows if you really got the quality. just about writing a good speech with no grammatical error allows you to win votes and hence resulting in your eventual CLAN LEADER title is bullshit. if that's the case, i'll just look for miss chan my oh-so-chim eng teacher to draft my sript and with my commanding aura and presentation skills. just BOOMBA and let you all stand in awe infront of me? thats gay. i rather being appointed the leader cos I AM A LEADER INSIDE. cos i have what it takes. cos i have the quality to be one. i see people who are virtually unknowns in secondary school. not having any experience whatsoever of being a leader in any way be it cca or class. no stepping out to hold *big-deal* posts and having all thoes rank and status in the schoool. i already have an disadvantage in not being in tj for first three months.. having seeing gay people holding leadership roles in this oreintation aint making it better. im not implying im good. but i want people who are good to be up there. and not be up there because of an english perfect script. furthermore. who's to vouch you're a good leader? no one's been under you before. and the most disgusting thing is you win votes based on your looks. like WTF. tt's is freakin gay. can i like find a tom cruise look alike to come run for sc or excip or whatever shit there is? actually i can. cos blind girls who are blinded by the exterior facade couldnt care less much. they just wanna support thier pretty " idol". its preety simple to find people like that. if your votes come predominantly from a particular gender.. you know you are shit. you're either gay. or you're just a "zhong kan bu zhong yong" pretty boy. if you got charima and leadership qualities.. i'll be your fan. but if all you known ifs thoes few pathetic moves and pathetic words to say on the stage.. get lost.

i state an example. A guy goes on stage with the mic.
DAY 1. "house a can i hear sth from you?" *cheer* "how about house b?" *cheer* "and house c?" *cheer*
DAY 2. "house a make some noise!" *cheer* "house b can i hear sth from u?" *cheer* "and house c?"
DAY 3. "house a i want to hear some cheering!" *cheer* "house b can you do better than them?" *cheer* "house c can you beat them???" *cheer*

you know what? go bang the wall. if thoes are the pathetic few words you know. give the mic to someone else with a better voice. at least a nicer voice wont be that boring. and each time you hold a mic. cos its ur turn to do it. and u jut ask for cheer. and in the same order. same manner. same style. same intonation. you can go just eat shit. i dont know if i can do better. but i like niao'ing them cos its irritating. and i've got supporters. as in im not alone. tk goodness the whole shit is over.

anyway the last o nite was cool. and people crashed. they joined us in the hall. and ryan was dere. and ryan shouted " ******* go home!" haha. its a persons name. cos it sec sch. he is a gay. he is a virtual unknown. his cca is gay. (oh wait does he haf a cca?) his sverything is gay. he is a loner. and well. i would say outcast. so when you see him up a stage. i just want to look somewhere else. apparrently. the daring bold and loud ryan did the job and he told me he sorta jeered at him. haha. guailan it is. but i would be like him. except niao'in him softly. not out loud. haha

nike joga futsal JOGA BONITO
i just came and im back. the whole event was rather mini scaled but still people i know came down to watch and participate. i formed my team with two indonesians whom i got to know in nyjc. hance our team name inddovers. its supposed to represent thier country. haha. im outcasted man. anyway. i like my team. cos we're good. the rules are such. 3v3. first to score wins. but within 3 min no one scores.. both get out. winner stay loser out. winner gets a nike swoosh chop. the loser gets a cross. people who draw gets a circle. you are given a card. the most nike swoosh chop wins. you play anywhere. four pitches to choose from. you win you stay in picth. lose you get out of pitch and queue up again. how good is my team? the first 5 matches. we WON ALL. win straight five games you gotta get out of the pitch. and re queue. i think its fair play. prevent domination. anyway. we did it =) first 5 games. i scored 3 times. tyco and not tyco. either way. its a win. the whole thing was coooool. since my team was winning like no one's business. den we lost two games. and den we won 5 games striaght again. tt's how gd or how lousy the opponents were. of cos there were times when we played with pros. and we feeed them. hence they gained more chops den us. of cos. we try to feed on noobs. and hence we got 10 chops in total. top two teams gets into finals. and guess wad. top 2 teams got 14 and 11 chops rescpectively. my team got 10. wasted aint it. but nvm. the team wid 11 chops. was a noob team. thier team name? "soccer noobs" and starting.. they were already meant to lose and werent prepared to win. lady luck was shining on them tho. we met 4 times. we won them 3 times. and they won us once. end up? when 14 chops vs 11 chops?11 chops won. thier match was gay. someone from 14 chops tot the ball rolled out. and stopped play. 11chops however rushed in and scored. and the ref allowed it. oh well. GAYNESS. the noob team won. btw the 14 chops was a pro team. ny soccer team. cap and vice cap all in the team. and we played with them. and we won =) so looks like. we ought to win eh? actually we ourselves were gay. since we slacked so much after the match. and din really queued up religiously like we should. hence we wasted time not playing. and thus not winning. haha.

brazils futsal team came. 6 of them. tall. dark. BRAZIL. they came. they played. they made us cheer like no ones business. and displayed all samba soccer tricks possible. you name it they did it. just buy a game of nike 3v3 soccer on ps2. try doing stunts and tricks. well. i just saw it being performed live infront of my eyes. im stunned. totally. they took pictures.. played friendly with us.. and sign autographs.. and hell. thier showmanship is great. i love thier humour and skills. they played once with the girls. and jokingly tried to get close with the girls. like they would indirectly let the girls score. then cheer with them. haha. hands raised and jumping up and down sorta thing. haha. damn funny. then got one. all girls go in play match. and it was hectic. two balls. and they still demostarted skills and fair play and showmanship. one of them shifted the goalpost for the girls to score. HAHA. gay la. anyway. i got thier poster. but i lazy to let them sign cos i was more vent on playing soccer. haha. anyway. it was fun. thrillling. and the atmosphere was high. just know this. i almost won. 10chops and 11 chops. i lack one chop. ok? haha.

hols start liao. make up lectures... chiong dvd. chiong dota. chiong prata.. chiiong dragonboat.. chiong overnight. and now? chiong to marina bay to eat steamboat wid badminton pals and coach. cos im freaking late. yea.