i came back from dinner today 29dec saturday 8.30pm. my mum told me i have a letter from mindef.

one for my dad one for me.

First emotion: Excited
I thought: finally.......!!! after countless calling to CMPB to check my enlistment date and gettin numerous people telling me stuff like i will be enlisting most probably in april since i am a "A" lvl student and that i passed NAPFA with at least a silver. While some other officers i talked to told me that "oh april slots are full. you will most prob enlist in july or sept."

i go around telling people that hey im enlisting in april. (tryin to self-convince myself) and laughed at people enlisting in jan. and i kept planning and telling myself what to do during jan feb or march. 3 whole full LONG months b4 i enlisted. (or so i thought)

i went to climb asia to be an instructor thinking that i could at least rise to some rank or high category like a LEAD INSTRUCTOR at least. which needed, i would say, at least 5-10 sessions of being an instructor. i even left my email behind with weichieh at climbasia to request to work at their counter. 5 bucks an hour.

i constantly reminded myself the stuffs i havent do which i stated i would do in my blog like running for a marathon, gettin a job and learning to swim.

i told myself i will rot my life away until march before i started my physical training. ok not practically rot. but find a job and work with a contract for at least 3 full months. and get some working experience and feel how its like to suffer in the working world.

ok back to story.

i snatched the letter from her. and started to tear it open.
but before i tore it up. i told my mum "oh enlistment date already."
she said "no la cannot be. your papa also have the letter."
i told her" haha they askin papa go back for reservist lor!"

lol i felt that that was funny.

anyway. my mum didnt believe it was anything to do with my enlistment date. until, quite surpringsingly, she opened e letter b4 i could. and announced "12jan."

i stopped. heart skipped a beat. told myself. haha joke 12jan.

den i continued tearing up my letter.

den i saw the words. 12 JAN.

then i screamed and my world crumbled. words failed me.

ALL THAT CRAP FOR NTH. all the worrying, the cursing, the lamenting why the hell i went to report i have latent TB, the moans of anxiety waitin for the enlistment date to be announced to me which took ages, constant sneering of a possible enlistment date of july or sept, way later than any other jc student. and finally at this moment the pink slip of paper just announced my fate.

im given 13 days. 2 weeks. to settle my life. organise my thoughts and feelings. and get physically and mentally for army.

AS MUCH AS i am looking forward to it and how much i really want to do it. i feel its really unfair to give me 13 days to prepare.

i have eaten so much these past few days. eat until bloody full. i have not been watching what i eat. not keeping myself physically fit. not keeping my body in shape. not running not training not psyching myself for this. and now. 12jan.








darren wake up. as much as ur life may be screwed now. you gotta move on.












now i intend to play and enjoy the rest of the days, PLAY TO THE MAXXXXX. train all i can. then start packing for NS. wooohooo! suddenly i have changed to become a JAN KIA. OH SHIT MY BIRTHDAY. OH NO SHIT I JUST REALISED i GOTTA CELEB MY BDAY INSIDE. DIE!


ok screw. people pls organise more outings and jio me out NOW.
play train pack. wooooots.

I ask of you to not judge me after reading this post.

"...

Question and Answer
____________________________________________
Question: Why are relationships of any nature seemingly doomed to failure? Why does nothing last?
Ans: Because ultimate loneliness is found in one's mind, in one's memory. For in memory, no two person share a common emotion, a common remembrance, a common narrative. Even in recalling the same, the disparate memories slide past. Memories are riddled with gaps, fissures, wounds. No two person can ever share a common history, a common memory.
Ans: Memory fades with the passage of time; it is as corruptible as any material object.
Ans: Because expectations are lost in the sea of translation.
Ans: Because everyone lies about their affections
Ans: Because human beings are the real selfish bastards that they are and all they're interested in is receiving.
Ans: Because humans are inconstant as the moon.
Ans: Because humans 'love' on the basis of need. When the need is over, the 'love' ends.
Ans: Because life is impermanence. Because we all move on.
Ans: Because we have no idea what love really is as much as we think we do...
____________________________________________
Question: Why do people remember one only when that someone is gone? Why do they love only when it is lost?
Ans: Because humans are creatures of regret and waste.
Ans: Because humans never value the things and people they have till it's lost.
Ans: Because humans live in the past and in the future but never the present.
Ans: Because humans need lessons of loss to embrace the present.
Ans: Because we all believe we are immortals and subscribe to the delusion that there is always time.
Ans: Because eternity is a lie...

Nostalgia
____________________________________________
"During the twenty years of Odysseus' absence, the people of Ithaca retained many recollections of him but never felt nostalgia for him. Whereas Odysseus did suffer nostalgia, and remembered almost nothing. We can comprehend this curious contradiction if we realise that for memory to function well, it needs constant practice: if recollections are not evoked again and again, in conversations with friends, they go. Emigres gathered together in compatriot colonies keep retelling to the point of nausea the same stories, which thereby become unforgettable. But people who do not spend time with their compatriots, like Irena and Odysseus, are inevitably stricken with amnesia. The stronger their nostalgia, the emptier of recollections it becomes. The more Odysseus languished, the more he forgot. For nostalgia does not heighten memory's activity, it does not awaken reollections; it suffices, unto its own feelings, so fully absorbed is it by its suffering and nothing else."

~ Milan Kundera, "Ignorance"

..."

Some random snippets, from somewhere, which really intrigued me and got me thinking. I espcially liked the one on nostalgia. Gives a whole new meaning to the role of friends.

Holy. Feels like doing literature again.

trying to make u real sick of this song..



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geRdF1XWsoM



after watching e vid was i reminded how nice a show a walk to remember was. i rmb watching it on channel 5. it was really nice. and i think this song really goes well with it.



if u hvnt watched a walk to remember. go yahoo type watch movies online a walk to remember. spare me abt 2hrs of ur time. i ask for nth in return (:











tj___ball
stop associating me with what hurts the most. theres this song too!

i didnt want to do this. but after visiting junyu's blog. reading that he has neglected his poor blog. ( not that it has much effect on me. i dun mind not updating just for u desperate readers to keep clicking on my url and being disappointed that i havent updated... ) and after weicheng asking me on msn what i've done for the day.. i realised. i forgot my purpose of keepin a blog.

to record the daily happenings of my mundane life.


well. actually not that my life is mundane now. its eventful as can be as you shall see soon. BUT. only thoes close to me will know how much LIFE i have now. its ffreaking freedom from 10 yrs of academic life. seriously. books on the hiatus now. im really enjoying life. at taka today with bel, this feeeling reached its peak i felt like i owned e world. having both parents overseas. being the eldest at home gives me supreme authority and PLUS having not being tied down to any institution like company or schoool. im not freaking responsible for any of my asinine actions. bel suggested i punch a fat guy and run off after that. i COULD get into trouble for that but that was what i am looking for now. since no parents at home.. they cant do shit! lol anyway bel said matter-of-factly that after punching the fat guy. i run he also cant chase so wth. bottom line: i own e world. at least for now.



lets see i can and should really recap on my life since my last entry post. BUT! its really late and gary and my sis (yes can u believe it ) are now sleeping in the room behind me. so i should really be considerate and end this post fast and off everything.


THEN AGAIN i realised if i dun recod things down. then whats e point of this blog. lets go slow shall we.


today. woke up from a stay over with 5 gays in my house. i slept tt night with thier remaining cushions and extra pillows i gave them for them to sleep. felt really weird cos it seeemed like they were still around. anyway.

woke up. van told me 5 orchard. i told bel 5 orchard. wc called me up. yes CALLED me up to dota. played one game which i would consider nice despite us losing since it was really a fun game where there was 0 kaopehing. yes zero. unlike... well u know urself...

so after that game. bathe chiong to orchard cos van told me not to be late. reached within35 mins. van herself still at home. -_- i seldom use that face but van really make me -_-

orchard mrt me and bel met.. den we go eat yoshinoya. saw some japan exchange trip students and there was this one student whom bel commented "even japan's wangnan is cooler den our wangnan" lol.

van bring me bel go recruit express. find lynette. not jeanette ok jingwen? funny girl blacklisted me from the start just becos of my face. too good looking for her i guess. so according to van given thier high efficiency i'll get a call asking me to go for an interview in a few hrs time and thats really freaking me out. anyway after recruit express bel van me went to visit gwen at her temp stall outside cineleisure. gwen is super funny and why the hell is she attached already? van and gwen is super funny tgr and i duno why bel so big reaction when i told gwen tt van is bel gf. bel shy. lol. wanted to watch show but warlord knn all selling fast so no show. go eat cos van the man hasnt eaten and bel the hell is hungry. so we went around to find sth to eat almost ALMOST ended up in simpang.

eventually we ended up in paragon basement see some japan person make soba at some soba so good reastaurant. for i think 30-45mins. jingwen joined us at deliengland. i think van is really funny and can really clique with us easily and i think we ALL are in the same frequency eexcept i dunno why for that night bel was surprisingly quiet and not himself. i'll get whacked if bel seees this so dun show him this entry. but i think hes flabbbergasted by van WAHAHAHAHA.

so jw thirsty so we went starbucks. oh the smell and place remind me of studying in tamp's starbucks. ok no studies here. ok sat there slack. bel tried to contact the yr1s but michelle was pimping with graham at st james powerhouse sorry make that HAMMIE-BOY. den zoe was busy wanking for zh too busy to ans bel's call. and joey was busying booozing with his irc friends one 21 one 22 yrs old like wth. so from after starbucks and spotting some idiot using vans stupid htc fone also ( who in e world uses htc?! dn even bother tellin me i dowanna know ) i went home rushed home to get stuffs for cage.

come out 23.30 almost 00.00 meaning i had no more train. took nel to dhoby ghaut realised no more train. came out. cab to kallang. 6 bucks.

in the cage END UP ONLY 2 TEAMS. like. ok. 2 TEAMS SCREW!

initially was a over populated 5 teams. now end up all pangseh only got 14 ppl. thanks.

cage was so-so as usual my golden boots didnt disappoint me i espcially like the match when me and wenginn went to the court beside ours to invite some outsiders to play with us. they were adults having thier own car smoking tatoo and all. anyw. we fielded our "best" team cos i wouldnt consider it best cos wenginn and a few others wasnt in it while i was in it so that means it isnt the best team. got me inside the team is underdog team not best team anyw.

scored a few. i LURVE my first goal. first goal of the whole match recieve ball turn 180 shoot score. and the finale last goal. i play play play pass to jinchaw who was open and free like anything and he basically just needed to to lift his leg to score. and hell yeah. that was a nice match. tho i played maybe only 30-1hr at most. and had to pay 10 bucks ( i havent paid weng inn actually ) plus the 6 to come cage. PLUS the eventual 12 to cab back home ALONE from kallang to hougang at 2am its a freakin 30 dollars for a few steps and MANY times of puttin the ball behind the net. ERRR! its really late and if u notice at the half way mark of this entry i have already been sprouting nonsense. so ignore whatever ive said and dun get offended. espcially the goal keepers at the cage whom i;ve humilated. wahahaha/ chill juz jk.

stay tune for updates and pictures on prom, chiangmai annd life btw prom and now. i'll blog thoes events for u. really. i will. i SURELY will.