wow seriously. no goood. ar ar. *shake head* im experiencing an all time low low, down low period in my life. so well.. lets hope LONG BLOG ENTRIES will be an efffective therapy for me to get through this tough season.

everytime i want to blog.. i figure how much percentage of my personal, individual thoughts and reflections to be noted down here. yar. its like an automatic censorship. it which i go through what i want to type in my mind.. think of what i want to blog. in my mind. before actually bloggin it. seriously. i dread and fear and is damn particular of the consequences of lettin some ppl read what i;ve written. say i say person A is a bitch. and if person A blog-hops by. den im GOOD GAME alr. (refer to previous posts to find out what's good game)

so lets hope. this entry will be 100% percent heart to heart blog. (not heart to heart talk) with u. my computer. and nth else. even so. imma clear history files and delete every temporary folder in internet. so i leave no trace behind. Only jus a registered online blog in this virtual world when no one really lives or survives in.

ok i go from backwards sequence ok? first up. second before blogging. and even while blogging down the first paragraph. im having this fake conver wid melissa. melissa from cchs 4hm. yes yes im part of her history files record. which she probably save me under file name as BASTARD. but well. i cant do much to change that fact. and yar. shes like. going thoes typical GIRLS SCHOOL TALK style abt how she is so fawning over this pretty boy in her Millenia Institute. (im going into damn straght freaking NO HOLD BACK honest opnions. i dun give a **** even if this starts an uproar. cos i am feelin shit now. and feel shit gives u the license to do shit. i'll prob edit dis when i read back dis silly post) I CALL THIS DESPO. yar. she sounds so god damn despo over dis guy. like sum shit guy that has a pretty exterior. good lookin facade. hot , cool , cute appearances and she claims he has a HOT BODY. and she took a pic of it and placeed it as her dp. and she was like trying to haolian it to me. like hey. i dun give a heck ok. ( i lazy use **** anymore.. lets be civilised ok?) so whats if he's hot. he's life. free like air. free like water and sunshine. go get him if u haf the guts. or ability. seriously. dun come tellin me all these shit EVEN THO i told u that u can always find me to chat when u're bored and to update me on MI stuffs. for one. imma guy. i dun care abt another good lookin guy ( did i jus say another?) for 2. i dun care even if u two start going steads and going intimate. i feel happy for u and him. end of story. so PLS. dun go thoes oh-so-fake tone and keep tellin me abt how u went to and tapped his shoulder and say "hi" to him. i dun care really. and ur tone.. speech. manner of expressing urself is damn disgustin. so many hahas here and there. i cant stand it. what's more. u're tokin abt sth i dun rili care. so all dis factors add up to a not very happy me. ( i am seldom unhappy. seriously. ) and tt's y i replied wid my standard... usual... ultra SUAN mode. if u cant feel it. den i guess my skills r deproving. but faris should know im should be at least lvl 24 now alr. ( my suanin and indirect way of tokin) lvl 24 cos its one more lvl to lvl 25 wic is max lvl in dota.

ok so before i come online. time check now is 1.45 am. and my big sis juz drove the car back and shes home now.. i was playin soccer at my house bball court. RARE. ultra rare. firstly. i reached the court at abt 11pm. cos i was on my way home from nanyang. so i saw 5 small boys playin socccer. mind u. they r sec1's and they play DAMN FREAKING GOOD soccer. so i thick skin abit. ( train ur public speakin skills) and went to to ask if i can join them ( small kids... jc1 fella come join small kids kick ball? wtf?) and they r of cos ok wid it. if anyone rejects u. they r damn busted. cos the odd. i join even. anyway. i play for like damn long. i remind u again. i was on my way home from NANYANG. wic was a damn hectic day considering im physically tired and mentally tired from the past few days namely the PE DAY. and of cos today's trng badmminton cca aided in my fatigue level. so yar. play soccer? in the middle of the night? bball court? legs hand muscle pain? its.. no sense. no link. so anyway. i cant be bothered to go on abt how i played. how they played. acted or whether i had fun. it aint impt. jus know the fact. i played soccer till like past mid night. bball court. wic a bunch of i dunno kids. i dunno them. onli saw one of them in holy innocent uniform. and tt one of them is a gabrelite. i hope i got that spellin correct. and ya. one of them is 19. malay. and hes so damn pro. i jus had to ask him abt his profile. end up. im correct.. he "used to" ( inverted commas means i lifted directly from his speeecch widout alteration) play for tampines under 18's soccer. cool huh. i wanted to ask for his contact. so at least i got another backin in soccer. but like hey. hu gives a heck when my life is in an all time low low now.

ok so before i almost reach home and before i started to play soccer wid small kids hu r almost as tall as me. sum tt is. but r MORE PRO den me. i gotta admit.... i was in sch. yes. pegasus house is screening or rather was or had. screened 50 first dates and SHUTTER.. woooooooooo.. ya lar. ghost show. not bad lar. quite typical and ju on type. so yar. i missed the first show. cos it starts at 6. in which. i was having my cca. yes that's e word. badminton.

cca badminton. wow. badminton. used to be my password for every account i used.. ( see i told u im revealing too much) yes badminton. since pri sch to sec sch. to now jc life i haf not much intentions of droppin it. as a sport or as a hobby.. but today. tks to nanyang. it changed all that. i feel so.. arrgh. go break my racquet now. n see one badminton player. beat one badminton player. ( do it in chinese) its like. gao xing in MVP qing ren. at fers. damn gd player. den deal to too much fame and glory. dunno y olso. den become a BA KA. (handicap) den when he attend sch. qi sui. he stopped them from seting up a bball club. im like feelin like that now. ok lar. maybe not that serious. haha. hey guess what. i just typed badminton for no ryhme or reason. i guess im too used to typing that word for my password liao. den tink olso nv tink den just physically typed it out. ok nvm. tt aside. lets continue. dis will be a long story on hownanyang changed my view on joiinin badminton in ny. seriously.. i hope my perception changes. i hope things change. im stiu keepin my options open.. i wanna be mature...


firstly. coach sucks. yes. dun ask me how much he sucks. jus picture a LAO THIKO. ji ko bei. wid yellow teeth ( yellow denctures i tink) and summore BOO-GAY one. got one space whr teeth is supposed to be seen but is MIA. (missin in action) lol. ok. after tt? picture his character as. COLD JOKES GUY? hu tinks he's damn funny. tink he's so funny tt. i can be bothered to luff. rili. if u r funny. i luff. not funny. but try to be funny. maybe i luff. but. HE TINKS HES SUCHA GOD DAMN JOKER. i cant be bothered to luff. ok la. lets hope no one who was there today is reading this. cos. he openly suan'ed me infront of everyone. and go ahead. tink im a sore loser and all being so pettty and whimpy abt him critising me. go ahead. im jus a nother human and im just sharin my woes wid the com. what he say? " u think u r satay seller ar?" exactly tt's what he say. reason being i tend to spin my racquet as and when i like. during footwork.. during matches... or what shitt. i spin la. not much of an action its jus spinnin usin the grip.. the handle as an axis. and spin it lor. not spin the whole thing. but rotate it rather. can can? understand? ok. ya. he suan me. ok tt's 1. no2. we r told to do footwork. im like. ok. different coaches got different way of coaching. and how the hell am i supposed to know what this coach want. ESP SINCE HE NV SAY ANYTHING. he nv explain or say. so i went down do my normal footowork. and thinkin its the standard procedure. how to do? its just a court wid 6 corners. u must reach to its corner. lets tok abt the side corner. if u r a human and u play badminton. n u do footwork like everyone else does. den the norm is for u to reach to the sides. and not swing it. onli for the sides. net and baseline different. must tap and jump to smach frescpectively. but sides. i usually stretch my racquet and bend down to indicate yes i've been to that point. and yes. i haf SEEMINGLY returned the shuttle back to my opponent. but the coach. hu was incidentally standing beside me. beside my coourt. chose to stop me and say " eh like that ar?" meaning im doing it wrong. he showed a swing racquet gesture. and i infer that he want me to swing my racquet when i reach the side. to indicate I HAF REALLY RETURNED THE SHUTTLE physically. i bein the usual me who wants no trouble went " orh okokokokokokokokokokok.. sorry" yes. if u noe me well. tt's what i do to simmer u down from ur wadeva sudden uproar in attitude. tt's 2. now for 3. we r separated into groups of 3. ok i cut short on dis. jus know that. he tok. i nv listen. he whistle. and everyone moves. i continue slackin and sittin in my corner. and he screams " eh who's supposed to take this court? y is it empty?" den my group. leroy from dunman high. jiabing from woodlands (new made og pal since day1 orientation coincidentally in badminton olso oubles player) jus sprang to life. actually i first started the spirnging action. and went. "orh sorry its our grp" BUT! half the reason y im so blur is becos another grp has taken our pervious and supposed designated court. so i gave an excuse that " oh they take our court" sth to dis extent to smoke my way out that we didnt react or move upon his whistle becos sum1 has occupied it. guess what he reply. or ratehr. RETORT. " they take ur court den no nid do la? den u must well go home!" i tot his jokin or wad shit. cos im like all cheery and luffy and like. happy go lucky abt it. BUT. when i turn to him to look at his bloody god damn face after he made that statement. it was thoes kind of expression in which a DM has just lectured a student. thoes black face. stern. god damn angry kind of face. so like wth. was tt needed? y must like. arrow and pinpoint me juz becos i gave an excuse for the 3 OF US not moving to our court? had i kept my mouth shut. i wondered if he could haf the chance to pick on me. seriously. its jus becos i open mouth tt's y he must retort back. tt's wad i feel. and not on the fundamental reason dat we didnt move to our court upon his whistle. like hey. leroy and jiabing was stoning olso la. must diao me meh? knn.


ok sorry. tt's 3 for coach. sorry add in one more. his thi ko bei ness can be seen from the fact that during trng. HE ONLY TALKS To GILRLS. and faces one above average more chio more cute more good lookin girl. and of all other beginners he's supposed to adress say daryl from chungcheng from 4jt. yes he join badminton. the coach chose to face that girl. and tok as tho. shes the only one dere. completely ignoring the rest. like so obvious he's havin his yellow dirty eyes on her only la. if tt's my sis. im so gonna rip him aprt. den sue him. yellow dirty eyes. keep starin at girls only. yuck. i despise u. ( is it too strong? i mite regret writin all dis one day.. nvm i'll edit den ) so coach is 4 faults.

j2? nth much. jus one word. lousy. seriously. i cant wish to explain myself. cos kynan and my other seniors and even ny ogls say ny badminton is lousy. so. dun bother findin out more. when i say they r lousy. i only salute the captain. but like even today.................................. he's trying to find faults wid me olso. when i tok while coach is tokin. he must boom out. " oie listen!" den like. get everyone's attention on me. is tt needed? behind got ppl tok must single me out again ar. den when the coach wanted to chosoe grps. the captain point to me for me to be in his grp. i noe his reasons. i tink he tryin to want to play me on the court. make me appear lousy. shag me out. or challenge me. ok . i offcially say i chicken out. cos im no more in my prime in badminton. and olso physical fitness.


ok lets add one more fault to the coach. as i said when he choosin to form a grp for training. he din choose me to be on captain's grp. he chose or the other SEEMINGLY pros one. namely. dis fat guy from SJI. and according to weijie.. the anderson badminton captain. he's like kiato same ize same type same pattern but only lousier den kiato. seriously. the j1's hu went today. r beginners. i wun use noobs. its a wrong word and its insulting. they jus choose to start afresh a new badminton cca in jc life. no background from sec sch. u can tell frm the way they play. e only few i individually pointed out yo myself who are once in badminton sch team for sec sch is SJI and anderson guy. and guess what. i feel i can beat them. they r not exactly damn good or pro. nor exactly damn lousy. but u let me play 1v1 them in singles court. i tink i make them run can win liao. so yea. coach NV CHOOSE ME. to me its like a silent and indirect first team option. he chose thoes that looked better in badminton. but of all. no me. den guess what. place them wid sum other j2 and captain in middle court. and gave them multi shuttle. like hey. in sec sch. i will be the one doin multi shuttle. and probably doing the most onne at that. most as in. most shuttle one. means long and tiring and more tough la. now i come nyjc. HEY> im at a far away court side court stroking wid sum j2 i tink is in cca team only! OMG! i see all j2's. like. i seriously can beat most of them la. if not all. ok. i am modest and i gotta be honest. 3-4 players i cant touch. but hey. im sure im good enuff for a third singles. but no. im not in centre court doing thoes "special training " with the coach. so ya. he neglects all everyone else. ok not veryone else. he only negliects me and jia bing's court and leave us rottin stroking wid the j2 seniors. for throughout the whole cca. so fun rite? stroke? they call it drill summore. what lob drop lift. go eat shit. i haf enuff of that from sec sch. and i only want to receieve smashes from benjamin and tt's only called training. today one was like. i dunno wad to say. badminton for beginners day. (damn i reveal too much.)

so since coach is like that. j2's some cmi. and plus i tink the girls badminton team one see me bu shuang buay song cos i tried to "da jiao dao" wid them and i see no wrong in tt. probably leaving them wid a wrong idea. maybe they haf a perception that a lowly j1 junior like me. haf no rights whatsoever to tok to them. cos when i did .. one of them went " your brother ar? no? den y he tok like that" i dun tink i need to go further. till dis point. just stop. reflect and recall me as a friend. as a human being. and think abt my character. if i deserve what i got and how i was treated. pls. start a anti-darren club in fwenster. and den or tag on my tagboard. and come vulgar wid me and say " god damn u darren u deserve it" otherwise. den u r my brudder. and u haf seen the whole side of me. the good natured side. dat i dun tink i was rude... haolian.. atitude problem or wad shit today during badminton. to deserve what i got. seriously. i feel that im a big debt now. having declared bankrupt and all. and i went to jump off a buildin to commit suicide. an analogy tt is. its like the suicide the jumpin off the buildin is writing down dis entry in my online blog. and the debts and all r wad forced me to do so. and the debts r? whatever happened today. melissa's case.. ny badminton case. and all else. even now. my big sis is scoldin. lecturuin. niao'in me. threatening. critising me for usin her table.. her com. " dun push me too far ar. dun test my limits" in her usual bossy tone. i cant blame much. im jus unlucky. stupid and rude to be usin her table now. ya whatever. she's so gonna set password on her com liao. and i cant dota anymore liao. serious. im back to my old com soon i guess. she will set password to stop me from usin her com liao. long story. so bback to today. tell me what went wrong. i'll change. and advise me. if i shud stay on badminton. or drop entirely. no more badminton in my life. like what im doing to robotics. no more robotics in my life. and start sth new. for me. no first team = no join cca. if ny badminton is of such standard and i cant make it to first team jus becos of personal grudges the coach may haf on me. den im so gonna end badminton. tho i suffer myself. cos i suffer not being able to gain glory and honour for my jc. jianhao my ogl noe me in this part well. i clearly said i wan personaly individual fame and glory. in which i take and claim. so i can share wid my sch. if i dun get first team tho i deserve to. or dun deserve to. im gonna quit. if the coach and captain stiu haf grudges and "gu yi diao nan wo" im gonna quit. if minghui continues trying to find out wic bloody idiot darren is in ny badminton.. im gonna quit. tell me. y shud i stay on in badminton. i haf only one way out.

PAE BRING ME TO ANOTHER JC PLS. (verge of tears.. verge) as much as i love nanyang and all the fun and fwens ive established. if badminton cca ruins it for me. im gone from ny.