Maybe it's just because i over estimate myself. I think i am good. i think i am strong. i think i am weicheng, kelvin or terence. When in actual fact. Im just darren.

Maybe it's because i do so much sports and want to excel in each of them that i become a living example of "Jack of all trades, master of none." Hell, i wouldn't even dare say I'm as good as Jack or have such favourable terms of trade that i can proudly use "all".

Maybe it's because I was pampered by Coach in CCHS such that i cant take it lying down the fact that i'm not even second best. Or third best. Or even 4th best. Hell, this can go on forever.

Maybe it's because i've nurtured this sore-loserish attitude within me that i'm afraid of losing. Or that i have problems coming to terms with losing. Losing wouldn't mean competing myself against someone, but rather fighting the pump and finishing the route.

Maybe it's because i fare so much better in other sports like badminton, volleyball or soccer that i feel my standards in climbing is way below mediocre. I don't really know about this.

Maybe it's because i have high expectations. I want to do well all the time and finish all the routes i set out doing.

Maybe it's because i compare myself too much with others. Especially Terence. Which everyone knows is so thick-skinned and bu zi liang li. But somehow. I cant help but feel jealous at his skills when seemingly, i've put in a tad more effort than him and yet still lose out to him. Its frustrating to know that i've sacrificed my month-long diet and abstained from meat just to reduce pump and yet to no avail. And i trust you all know how much i cant live without devouring meat.

Maybe it's because im jealous of how philip concentrates on either eleanor or terence and neglect somehow the problems im facing. Like i need some guidance or at least a ray of light on this dark road but yet i have to go searching for the light to find my way.

I can have so many maybe. But my sis wanna use the com. so i shall end this nonsensical post that i dont meant half of what i've said. cos i just needed to add drama and spice here so people will come back reading and checking for updates.

Anyhow, i shall pick myself up... TAKE THE LEAD. WALK IT OUT.

SMACK THAT. SHAKE. RUN IT. PUMP IT. GO HARD OR GO HOME.

LETS GO. IM'MA SHINE.

*yeah.. listening to these songs does pick me real high up.